Shallow Deep Thoughts

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Fireflight - Liar

Empty prayers falling out your mouth.
Jesus said it better and He didn't have to shout.
Maybe if you change it you can get your way.
Just rearrange it and you can get paid.
A little more money comes in every day.
Faith and five dollars goes a long way.
Look at your pockets filled up with gold
But what's in your heart is making you cold.

I'm sick of all your lies
(It's who you are)
We see through your disguise

All that I see when you start to cry.
Is the rock on your finger and gleam in your eye.
Your sad story is making me sick.
So change the channel cause it's getting thick.

Blind accusations is all you can say
but you'll say anything as long as you're paid.
Look for their weakness you feed on their need
But behind your eyes is nothing but greed.

I'm sick of all your lies
(It's who you are)
We see through your disguise

None of your dreams come true
(It's time you know)
You can't sell the truth

You party and dine with the fattest of swing
But your stink can't hide behind closed doors
Get your hands off my face, I won't shudder and shake
What you're selling, I won't buy anymore

Why do you lie to make me love you?
Is it your insecurity?
Have fun with your selfish ways and misguided thoughts
Cause you will always be...liar

I'm siick of all your lies
(It's who you are)
We see through your disguise
None of your dreams come true
(It's time you know)
You can't sell the truth

Liar! (7x)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Stupid people need to die. that is all.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Words...Can't call it poetry

Why does it feel so good?
The slap in the face?
I feel alive -
So do You.

Sends me spinning,
The mind wakes,
The soul too.
The body bristles -
I am on fire.


Enigmatic, Tragic,
I don't understand.
Whats wrong with me?
The mind's static
Blind and deafens me...

Someone change the channel.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

Following the posting of this article on facebook, my friend - the samantha in this story was in a state of mental anguish. So with that, here's the article.
- My Rebuttal will follow.

One Man's Opinion of Women
Shane S. Webb

First of all, let me say that I have a great deal of respect for women. Although, they do sometimes cause me a great deal of frustration mainly because of my inability to understand them. This can most likely be attributed to the fact that I have a penis, rather than just one isolated situation where one guy lacks understanding of the female sex. I just wanted to throw that out there before I proceed.

I see women as being the most confusing creature in all of creation. I know this is mere common knowledge to most males reading this article but I feel that it bares repeating. If you are a guy and feel as if you truly understand women you are either most likely a homosexual or have never been in a serious relationship before. I mean know offense but if I'm wrong I will allow you to correct me. To the ladies reading this article, please know that men are at a total loss when it comes to communicating with you and at even more of a loss at understanding anything about you except that you have two breast, a nice butt(opinions may vary), and a vagina. Basically, us guys understand your physical make up but lack practically any knowledge of your emotional and spiritual thought processes, thus basically anything about your personalities.

This lack of understanding leads men to be intimidated by women because we fear both rejection and that because of our ignorance of women allows women to have all of the power in relationships. This is not just my opinion, many other guys feel the same way. Now whether or not they'll admit it is a different matter. This fear of women that men experience causes us to be unable to share our feelings with our female counterparts like we freely do with our friends. It doesn't help matters when ladies get upset when we can't talk to them at times and don't share our feelings with them. Ladies, please understand that most guys would like to share their feelings with you. Although it takes time for us to feel safe enough to trust you with our emotions. There is also a level of respect that must be earned for guys to share their hearts with you. It's not necessarily that we don't trust you but this level of respect reaches much farther than trust, it is sort of enigmatic in nature as we cannot always define what exactly that level of respect consist of.

When it come to dating women, men are at a total loss. Sure some guys have more confidence than others but more often than not that confidence is little more than a way to protect us from giving away more power to women than we already have. I was dating a girl names Samantha. Sure some of you know here, but I figure I'll be open about it. I just won't give you her last name in order to help protect her privacy. Anyway, she is an absolutely delightful young lady, a Proverbs 31 type if you will. Although she was sweet, I went into my relationship with her at a total loss of what I was getting myself into(a typical problem that men face).

Early into our relationship everything was fine but after a while the differences between men and women were becoming clear. I was not prepared for the emotional beating I was about to take. Please do not misunderstand me, this was not all her fault(Half of it was). It was mostly due to the fact that I was a rookie when it came to relationships and after time began to feel intimidated by her(my ignorance of women) and thus all of my power was taken away thus causing me to fall flat on my face. I did everything that I feltI was suppose to do. I was nice to her, bought her flowers, and treated her with more respect than most men would treat any woman. I am being honest, if for some reason you doubt me, those who know Samantha can just ask. Anyway, treating her so nicely seemed to be a mistake. I don't know that for sure but I do know that the results of my actions were not positive.

After consulting with many people concerning my negative experiences(yes, I even consulted with women) I have been able to put together a couple of theories explaining why men go through these unpleasant experiences. Here they are. Some men and women say that girls like to be treated with a certain level of disrespect. Thus, explaining why so many women can be found dating total jerks and why girls only want to be friends with "nice" guys. The problem for me lies in the understanding that I am one of those "nice" guys that most ladies just want to be friends with. No, I am not complaining, in fact I am proud of my personality. Those of you who know me will likely say that I am a very nice guy or even a gentleman. That's the first theory.

The second theory that I was able to put together is that some women have a hard time accepting that they are worthy of being treated like a queen. I guess you could say that this is a branch of the first theory. I tend to agree with this viewpoint. Some research suggests that if a women did not receive positive validation from men(her father, brothers, uncles, etc.) growing up they may lack the understanding that they are worthy of such treatment by males as they grow up and enter relationships. I feel that was Samantha's case. I'm not going to go into the details but the theory applies To further explain this theory, women may have a harder time trusting men when they have not seen the men in their lives as providers(either financially, emotionally, spiritually) growing up and thus causes a lack of trust towards men as adults. I'm not a psychologist but just a man with an opinion that many people tend to agree with.

So there it is. My personal opinion of women. You can take it or leave it. I appreciate the women who were willing to share their viewpoints for my analysis. Please know that I still have a great deal of respect for Samantha, I just pray that she realizes that.
That's all I have for right now. If you would like to share your thoughts with my analysis feel free to do so. Please do so with tact though.

- Shane S. Webb


Let it begin.

I'm going to state my credentials here.
Lets first get two things straight:
I am not a homosexual, and I have been in a few long term relationships.
I have been subject to just about every screw up a relationship can throw at you.
- I have been dumped
- I have dumped
- I have been cheated on
- I have been dropped for a previous boyfriend (On possibly more than one occaision)
- I have been simply deserted
- I have been verbally abused
- I have everienced the fallout from all of these events, which in some cases is worse than the actual events.
etc. etc. etc.

With that said, I still have great respect for women, and I do believe I understand them.

The number one thing you need to realize shane is that you cannot group all women in a category.
It doesn't work that way, much like snowflakes - no two women are alike.(Neither are guys - for the ladies out there.)
You speak of women who supposedly like a level of disrespect, I know individuals like that.
You also speak of sam as a "delightful young lady", I know individuals like that too.
You speak still more that women are not accepting of being treated like a queen, I know individuals like that too.

Shane, women are complicated as you surely know by now. I know women who crave those "jerk" figures, I also know ones who crave "prince charming." You need to understand that there is no point in speculating why women crave a certain type. You need to think about this: Who are you? the Jerk or Prince Charming? Certainly you know who you are, you need to write off the women who have no interest in your personality type.

Also, as I said, I know women who are the "deliteful young ladies" and I know some who are just selfish bitches. This is your turn as a guy to filter. You know which kind you want correct? Do not assume that there aren't guys out there who dont want a degree of disrespect just as some of the women you describe do.

Another point which you speak of is that women aren't okay with being treated like a queen. I expressed some of my thoughts earlier that some women do want prince charmings, but i'm going to throw in a twist here. - My mother and Father are not very affectionate people - I have rarely seen them kiss. To my recollection, the last time I saw it happen was about a half a year ago at the airport when my mom and sister came back from switzerland. Now, please be aware here that my parents love each other deeply. DEEPLY. It does not mean they show affection much. Niether of my parents are the "mushy" type - they do not hug alot or say "i love you" every waking moment of the day. People have different personality types in this aspect as well. Some people are very affectionate and open about it, others are closed and understanding. My parents are the closed kind and have been happily married for over 20 years. I, myself love to "dote" on women. I am an affectionate person. I too have given flowers. With that said, there are women I know who I get along great with but dating them could be difficult in that aspect. If it doesn't work then it doesn't work. Learn and move on.

I do not know what happened between you and sam, but clearly it did not work.
I feel personally that it was a bad idea to mention her at all in this story because when she heard about it, she became very upset. I bet she is asking herself why would shane do this? I am sure it makes perfect sense to you why you are doing what you are doing, but to her it doesn't - and in fact, it hurt her.

You need to think these things through. Had you have done so properly and considered all possible outcomes of creating this group and posting this note, perhaps this wouldn't have happened. Who knows, maybe you did think of that, you weighed the possiblity of all outcomes, I can tell by your gentle wording of sam and the clarification that you think she is still a deliteful young lady, regardless, here's the outcome.

Now, hopefully what I've explained to you has brought new insight or something.
As I explained earlier, I don't know what happened between you and sam, my statements I have made here reflect the amount of knowledge I have with this specific event and my personal interpretation of events in my life.

Again, I restate myself - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Learn and move on.

When you move on though, always search for reason, and always be concious of your own actions. We're all human and everyone does what they do for a reason.
All the things I listed as my relationship credentials, I have come to accept fully and understand them perfectly. If you wonder how I did that or anything else, feel free to message me on facebook. I am here to help.

--Jonathan Mattson

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

feelin poetry, expect some soon.

Artist: Thousand Foot Krutch
Album: The Art Of Breaking
Track: Absolute

I've tried to hide it, but I can't sleep at night
Everything I think about makes me feel like a version of myself
They tell their lies and we all syncronize
Look to the sky because it's almost over

We want the truth, give us the Absolute
We need your help, 'cause we've got nothing!

We want the truth, give us the Absolute
We need your help, 'cause we've got nothing left to lose
I know we've tried this thing a million times
But put me out, 'cause I'm on fire

Don't talk if you aren't gonna tell me the truth
Don't tell me you know and you've got everything under control
We can't have it all, but we can break the fall
This time I'm letting god, 'cause I can't take it anymore

Wait 'til the bottle breaks, see how it all shakes
Who's gonna be around? Who's gonna hear the sound?
Wait 'til the smoke clears, who's gonna volunteer?
Stand if you're gonna stand, everybody's here
Take what you're gonna take, make what you want to make
Say what you're gonna say and break if you're gonna break

Sunday, November 12, 2006

flip-flops are more than sandals

So, yeah.

short story here, relationship ended.

shocking story here - I don't really give a fuck.

Weird isn't it? Have I become cold or something?

No. I've just grown up.

So the other day, sarah informed me that her and her previous boyfriend still have feelings for each other and she wanted to make clear that I wasn't dumped for him.
Thats great. I don't really care anymore.
I only wanna know why, after all the things she told me about him why she would go back. After telling me the things he does, or doesn't do, I just wanna know what she is thinking. She could be so much happier - not nescessarily with me, because i'm not going to wait for her to figure things out. I'm sorry but I don't have to be availible at the push of a button to fix everything for people. That doesn't mean I won't do it, I'm just saying don't abuse me and my feelings and expect instantaneous comfort.
Now to be fair to sarah, I have to say, she's a good person.
It is for this reason that I don't wanna see her hurt by this guy. But so far its been my experience that women crave people who are jerks to them. Fuck if I know why - perhaps some woman out there could explain this too me, but in logical line of thinking, there's no reason why she would want to go back to this guy.
Perhaps that's just it, she's not thinking.
Regardless I am not waiting.

Another problem I immediately faced was one all too familiar.
Self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness.
I refuse to submit to that again. The last time that happened was with my first girlfriend whose relationship with me ended in a similar fashion. I kept thinking to myself "why am I not good enough?," "why did this happen?," "what did I do wrong?" The harsh truth is that I haven't done shit wrong.

I know it doesn't harsh to you, but again - you can look at this logically.
For me its never logical, I am a self-hating person - I'm not gonna lie.
I used to hate myself alot, had no selfconfidence, and was pessimistic.
Following some panic attacks and a lengthy bout with another self destructive problem, I had to break myself.

Something in me had to give and I made sure it did.

Now I am somewhat hardened, yet softer. Somewhat more distant, yet closer.

The point here is I have come to grips that I am a good person. There is nothing wrong with my personality - I am who I am, and screw the world for telling me that person is not good enough. I am good enough. All evidence points to this and in the face of that I accept it.

I am not saying I'm perfect or even close to it. I am merely saying I am a genuinely good person - something that I never believed, or until recently wanted to. I got used to the feelings of inadequacy and they drove me. I now know I can motivate myself in healthier, less stressful ways.

Back to the story. I suppose I can find some closure in that I have acted without reason and deliberately oblivious to the logical evidence so perhaps that's what sarah's doing. I only hope she realizes it like I did and doesn't get sucked into something she wont be happy with.

I don't think i'm going to become all reclusive like the first time this happened to me. It took me 8 months to come to grip with such a situation with a g/f the first time around and it send my life into a spin for nearly 4 years. It began self destructive tendencies and embittered me.

I won't let it happen again. I came to grips in 5 minutes of prayer.

I am going to live it up as a single guy again. I am healthy, I am confident and most of all, I am a genuinely good person and believing it.

Na, Dann kommt.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

compare to how i was a while ago...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||| 46%
Stability |||||| 30%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 43%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||| 23%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43%
Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56%
Self absorbed |||||| 30%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic |||||||||||||| 56%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||| 16%
Wealth |||||||||||| 50%
Dependency |||||||||| 36%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Individuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Female cliche |||||||||||| 50%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by

So, I am back again.

Much has happened, the most important of which, I've had a new girlfriend for a couple months now. Her name is sarah if you're curious.

Let get down to what I'm here for...

If you've missed the rants, here's one just for you.

"Media and the American People."

It came to my attention today in interviewing class that 50% of americans still have no idea who Dennis Hastert is. If you are one of those 50%, let me enlighten you. Dennis Hastert is the house speaker. He has recently been criticized for the handling of a sexual harrassment case involving Representative Mark Foley and highschool age male congressional pages.

Hastert in reality has nothing to do with the actual abuse, and claims he reported it as soon as he found out. (It's still under investigation.)

The point is that Americans are so oblivious to everything.
Ask any american to name all 50 states, and they can't do it.
Ask a european and they can.
Why is this?
We can't tell you anything about any other country, but yet they know us?
I find that sad.

Its not only knowledge of other countries that is the problem! Look at the statistics on Dennis Hastert! America is so self centered we fail to look beyond our own windows.

In this interview that I watched in class, it involved Bill Oreilly, Oprah, and the audience. The audience fielded some questions - some good, others horrible.

In particular, with regards to the war in Iraq, there was one lady who regurgitated exactly what I'd heard on a newscast before, or what I read in the newspapers.
It made me sick that she just bought it without question.
There was no thought involved in her accepting this information. She just read it and took it all for infallible fact.

Oreilly wouldnt even justify her an answer.

Come on america, go out, read a book, think for yourself.


Little Green Men - Project 86

Out of the playground’s ashes
Come little men with little games
They’re playing war
They’re planning new crusades like new arcades
The reason for the season is to flood the media
With suicidal mania
And paint this landscape with this human waste

So lets all sing a song of love
Lets sing sing sing sing
Sing until our throats bleed

And if this child could sing he would say:
I don’t need anybody
I don’t need anyone
I don’t need your guidance home
Watch as I build my empire
Watch as I rise and fall
Watch as I fight all alone

History’s a stage for re-runs
For 3 A.M. insomniacs who quote the episodes
If tricycles came with guns we’d all be safe
Little green men didn’t come from outer space
With coupons in the Sunday Paper
They came from corporate brains

So until we all confess
And admit we stole the candy
These little men are playing games
From here to eternity
But I'll be sitting by myself here
Waiting oh so patiently
Waiting for the sky to fall
And purge frail humanity